When I was temping at a certain major health insurance firm, we used to call out terrible children’s’ names, in violation of HIPAA laws. My worst was a family with three children: Neo, Morpheus and Trinity. They didn’t even wait to find out the second and third Matrix movies were dogs before saddling their kids with those.
Such sport has its place on the Internet, as does everything, it seems: Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing. (Bonus points for the Chris Isaak reference.)
Some winning entries, if that’s the right word:
I love the Lord, am a LDS woman, and would like to name my baby baby Jesus.
My husband says this is ridiculous because we are not latino and he does not even go to church anymore. I looked and it is a popular name in the US so it must be that others like me are out there spreading His love. His full name would be “Jesus Joseph Dewey”. Can any one tell me if when you are at the hospital can you refuse to let your husband have a say in what the birth certificate says? I 18 years old and am a first time mom.
I am having this baby boy on Aug 6. Dad and I love Alexander Scott but our last name is Smith. Will the initals be a huge problem? We don’t want him to be teased.
I like the name Jayden for a girl and Jaden for a boy. I’m also thinking of other bisexual names.
(And no, Jenn hasn’t had the baby yet, and no, I’m not getting Twitter to keep you updated 24/7. I am prepared to announce we’re naming him Rockstar Danger Yarbrough, though.)
It may be too dangerous to use fireworks in the High Desert, but at least Astraware has a free fireworks program for the Palm. (Foralimitedtimeonly.) You can even set the fireworks to shoot off by the Statue of Liberty against the NYC skyline.
OK, no, it’s not the same thing as real fireworks at all. Stupid bark beetles.
Forget the Man Laws, these are the REAL man laws: Pirate Laws.
Highlights include:
Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.
A pirate should always remove his hat in the presence of a bartender.
No pirate shall wear a bracelet or a necklace, unless it is the tooth or tusk of an animal he killed. If in the presence of cannibals, a necklace is acceptable camouflage, but only if said necklace is made of human toes.
A pirate must never visit a tanning salon. If he is not already tan enough from searching for treasure, he hasn’t been searching hard enough.
Female pirates are allowed some exception to rules concerning hygiene and garmentry, but must make up for it by using twice as much profanity.
So, the flu from hell cleared up about a week ago, but I still don’t have the use of my left ear and I occasionally have sinus pain in the ear or in my left forehead.
When the phone stopped ringing today, I finally went to the doctor, where I was given antibiotics. Things have immediately started moving around in my head — of all the parts of my body, my skull is the place I’m least interested in having things move around — and things have started to get … drippy again.
I expect the next few days to be very gross, but to be able to hear at the end again, which is good, because my left ear is my phone ear.
